Funny Stuff

[Nightwane]

am vazut ca au aparut pe forum prin diferite threaduri niste versuri ce parodiaza diferite filme. Bagati aici tot ce se poate e mai usor de citit. O sa incep eu primul cu o melodie cantata de actorii din Twin Peaks, de Craciun.

[Nightwane]

PETE
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


BOBBY
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


BOB
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me: three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


COOPER
Diane, on the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


LUCY
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: five jelllyyy donnuuuutts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


PETE
On the sixth day of Christmas my sweetheart gave to me: six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelllyyy donnuuuutts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


BOBBY
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelllyyy donnuuuutts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


COOPER
Diane, on the eighth day of Christmas I had a strange dream: eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five ... oh ... Five jelly donnuuuutts. Sorry, oops.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


BOB
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelly donuts!

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


BOBBY
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: ten drooling Leo's.

BOB
Nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five ... jelly ... donuts!

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


LUCY
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eleven cherry pies.

BOBBY
Ten drooling Leo's.

BOB
Nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelllyyy donnuuuttts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


PETE
On the twelveth day of Christmas my sweetheart gave to me: twelve cups of coffee!

LUCY
Eleven cherry pies.

BOBBY
Ten drooling Leo's.

BOB
Nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five thousaannnddd donnuuuttts. What!?

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.


JOHNNY HORNE
Amen ... Amen.

[Danica]

Nice ..hai sa incep shi eu ..pai prima data Matrix rap sau daca Emin3n ar fi jucat in Matrix" No One Can Tell You (What The Chronic Is)



(If The Matrix: Reloaded were a gangsta rap video)


[Music: Fade in background music, distant gunshots, distant sirens. Cross fade to sounds of glasses clinking and women moaning.]

[Visual: The camera pans across the park where, in Reloaded, Neo meets with the Oracle and then fights Agent Smith. A group of Fly Girls are standing up against the walls, waiting.]

Morpheus (speaking, as voice-over): No one can tell you what the chronic is, you have to smoke it for yourself.

[Music: A rap beat begins.]

[Visual: Neo drives up in a tricked-out black convertible, which is visibly shaking from its massive stereo system pounding out the beat. Neo steps out, leans back against the car, takes a final drag on his blunt and tosses it on the ground.]

Neo (rapping):

Yo, Cypher was a zero but I'm the One.
I'm the reloaded hero with the big black gun.
I was born in the Matrix, y'all, back in the hood
but I took the red pill and it went down good
with an Absolut chaser and a twist o' lime.
In the desert of the real I'm a bust a rhyme.

I can walk a tightrope after drinkin' a fifth,
stop a bullet in the air, slap Agent Smith
straight down to the floor, plumb through to the cella,
and I'm mackin' every tasty little Zion cave dwella.
Blowin' into your town like a pimp typhoon,
stirrin' coffee with my mind 'cause there ain't no spoon.


[Visual: the Fly Girls step away from the wall and start a slow, undulating dance.]

Fly Girls (singing):

No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself. Ooooh-ooo-ooooh.
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself.


Neo (rapping):

I'm the N to the E-O, a man of means,
mad kung fu skillz to submarine the machines,
now I'm takin' my game to the digitized streets
where the sucka AI's know I can't be beat.
Not afraid of algorithms or electronics --
I trump the chumps 'cause I've got the chronic.
I'm high on the red pill, down with the truth,
if I got to jack out, I got a telephone booth.
I'm the O-N-E and my story's allegorical,
y'all watch me now while I kick it with the Oracle.

[Visual: the Fly Girls' dancing becomes more aggressive and acrobatic.]

Fly Girls (singing):

No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself. Ooooh-ooo-oooh.
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
you have to smoke it for yourself.


[Visual: Neo approaches the Oracle. Unlike in the movie, here the Oracle's avatar is a gorgeous young Black woman. She wears a neon pink bikini and lounges in a hot tub. A bottle of champagne sits beside her, and she takes a sip from her glass. She slides out of the hot tub to sit on the edge with her legs dangling in the water. The camera zooms in briefly on water droplets running down her body, then zooms back out.]


Oracle (rapping):

I'm gonna lay the funky rhymes down verse by verse
I predict the last word before I've heard the first.
Put your hands in the air for my Oracle style
'cause I'm from the old school like an ASCII text file.

Neo, you a playa, you the pimp of the Matrix.
Your girl's fine, dressin' like a dominatrix --
haxor skillz and stiletto heels,
give Trinity props, you know she keepin' it real.

Now have a seat Neo 'cause I know you will later.
Cozy up to me, don't be no Oracle-hater.
We both got the munchies so eat this candy.
I knew before I bought it, it would come in handy.

You ask, "Oracle, Oracle, on the wall,
how can I sit back while my shorty takes the fall?
And all the king's softwarez, and all the king's men
can't bring my baby online again."
But Neo you're fakin' like a masquerade,
'cause that's one choice you know you already made.
You came to hear the "why," and I'll tell you for free:
You need a little old guy, looks like a burned-out Bruce Lee
to hit you with the key that will get you through the door.
And once you're in there, yeah you can rock it hard core.
Go see the Merovingian is what I say,
Now my next party's startin' so I'm on my way.

[Visual: a stretch limo pulls up, with Seraph behind the wheel. The Oracle slips into a fancy silk bathrobe, puts on her high heels, and gets into the limo, which drives away.]


Fly Girls (singing):

No one can tell you what the chronic is,
You have to smoke it for yourself. Ooooh-ooo-oooooh.
No one can tell you what the chronic is,
You have to smoke it for yourself.

[Visual: Agent Smith walks up to Neo. He straightens his tie and begins to rap. As he raps, other copies of Smith take up positions all around him.]


Agent Smith (rapping):

Y'all AI-hataz think you bringin' some game?
There's a hundred in my crew, and we all the same.
When one catch a slug, the rest never complain,
and we spreadin' like a virus all through the mainframe.

Often imitated, I'm crazy replicated,
the Smith on my left was some bitch I once dated.
It's gettin' complicated but I'm tellin' you true:
don't go runnin' to your mama 'cause now she's a Smith, too.

If I catch you with my code, I'll load you up with me,
And then you'll be the S to the M-I-T
to the H, that's Smith, there's an endless supply,
so come step to the beat of the gangsta AI.

[Visual: Neo and all the Agent Smiths fight in the "burly brawl" scene. Neo flies away. The Smiths walk away. Only the Fly Girls remain. The picture becomes pixilated, fades to black, then the camera pulls back, revealing that the black background was the iris of the left eye of the lead Fly girl, as if perhaps the entire scene has been only an idea in her mind. She sits on the ground, her back to the wall. She runs her fingers through her hair and stares into the camera.]

Lead Fly Girl (singing solo):

No one can tell me what the chronic is,
I have to smoke it for myself.
Ooooooh-oooo-ooooooh, yeah-yeah.

[Fade out.]"

[Danica]

shi inca ceva pt fanii matrix :
The Matrix: ReSeussed

(If "The Matrix: Reloaded" had been written by Dr. Seuss)


NEO: I am the One and I am free.
The Oracle is fond of me.
I need that dude who makes the key.
MEROVINGIAN: You only dream that you are free,
Look all around -- causality:
It's in the wine, it's in the steak,
It's in this chocolate cake I bake.
See yonder blonde? She sure looks fine.
One bite of cake, and she'll be mine.
Then in the restroom where we're meeting,
You can guess what she'll be eating.
So, goodbye.
NEO: But I am free,
And he is not the boss of me!
PERSEPHONE: He is a pig, she is a whore,
I've seen this scene twelve times before.
The tricks he's pulled, the lies he's said --
I'll shoot his werewolf in the head!
I'll fix him good for being sly;
I'll give you the key maker guy.
But first, a kiss to seal the deal;
Just make me feel that it's for real.
NEO: This bargain does have some appeal . . .
OK, a kiss, and now we're through.
PERSEPHONE: I'm very cute, curvaceous too,
Is that the best that you can do?
It must be true, the things they say --
The tabloid stories that you're . .
NEO: Hey!
Let's try again, you are a hottie.
Here's a kiss that's really naughty.
(Trinity will hate this night.
She'll bring it up each time we fight.)
PERSEPHONE: Now, that was better, way to go!
I feel a tingle, head to toe.
Let's have another.
TRINITY:
Back off, ho!
Or taste a bullet from my gun.
PERSEPHONE:
Too bad you're with her, she's no fun.
Well, come with me, we won't get caught.
I'll let you in my secret spot:
A steamy, dark place down below,
A tunnel deep in my chateau.
MORPHEUS: Could this be symbolism?
TRINITY: No.
PERSEPHONE: Come through this door and take a peek.
This little guy is the locksmith geek.
KEYMAKER: I've got the keys to every lock.
I jingle-jangle when I walk!
NEO: And can you get me to the Source?
KEYMAKER: I have that key. Of course! Of course!
I'm on your side, just don't take me
Through airport gate security.
cam atat ..more on the way!!

[Gaandalf]

Nu zic k nu este marpha ... da parca este prea multe "funny stuff" shi te plictiseshti repede ... este ca shi cum ash posta parodia mea la LOTR care are 16 pagini ...

[BeNnY]

Eu la un moment dat facusem parodie la Harry Potter avea vreo 50 de pagini insa nu stiu pe unde mai e acum... :roll:

[TLD]

Dak tot ne falim cu parodiile, asteptati-o pe cea de l arevolutions.. Coming soon! 2 soon! :lol: